Into the Rollergames
by Nail Strafer
Summary: Robotnik's gone missing, and now Sonic has nothing more heroic to do than help old ladies across the street. But who knew something as seemingly harmless as that could get him wound up in a crazy new adventure?


**I'm honestly tired of writing serious stuff. This is me just writing something purely to have fun. I'm not out to improve myself with this piece. So if there's typos and crap, no biggie. I don't care that much. I'll save my seriousness for the Freedom Series (if I ever work on that again). Anyway…while this seems like a random humor fic, I can assure you there's a method to the madness here. However, you'd have to know about a certain NES game for this stuff to make sense to you. If you'd like me to help you understand more, just say so. I know just how to help.**

* * *

"Bored…" Sonic sighed as he sat in a booth at Rocket Chilidogs, staring down at a half eaten chilidog. It was his fifth one for this meal. Usually these things got him fired up, but it just wasn't doing that for him today. The hedgehog picked the thing up and swallowed the rest in one bite. After wiping his mouth, he left the fast food joint and went out into the street.

Sonic didn't know why, but Robotnik had gone quiet for a really long while. Yeah…the fat man usually went quiet for a couple months or so after Sonic destroyed his latest scheme, so he'd have time to come up with the next one. But now…he'd been gone for almost a year. Something was up, but Sonic had no clue what it was. He and Tails went and checked out all of his bases, but there seemed to be zero activity at all of them.

Sonic figured he'd be happy, but Robotnik being gone was so boring! He had absolutely nothing to do. In fact, the hedgehog had been so bored he'd even started taking classes with Tails on how mechanics worked. Months ago, Sonic would have never imagined himself sitting still that long for any reason at all. Tails may have been Sonic's best friend, but a lot of what that smarty fox said went in one ear and out the other when they started talking about technical stuff. It was actually getting kind of interesting, to be truthful…

"Help! Help!" The hedgehog's blue ears shot up, hearing the cry. He gave a small grin. Now he had something to do! And with that, he took off around the corner towards the shout. He wondered what he'd be facing off against. A robber? Maybe a rouge robot? Heh, maybe even a burning building! Whatever it was, the bigger the better! Sonic really needed a workout right now.

He turned the corner…and stopped. The person who'd shouted was nobody but an old lady, with thick wireframe glasses and a black dress with roses on it. "Help help!" she screamed. Sonic sighed when he noticed she was waiting at the start of the crosswalk across a busy road.

_Are you kidding me? Is that all it was? Another little old lady who wanted help across a street? That's the third one today! Jeez...this is probably the only time in my life when I want really bad things to happen to Station Square!  
_

While he felt like screaming that at her, he didn't want to look like a really big jerk for treating an old woman like that. He also didn't want to get whacked upside the head by the lady's huge handbag. It looked big enough to hide a full-grown child inside, and it looked full too. Reluctantly, Sonic stepped forward and held out his hand to the woman. "Okay…I'll help you across the street."

"Oh thank you son!" the old lady beamed a smile of false teeth. She quickly took his hand.

Sonic returned the smile back, although it was a false one. He'd rather be doing loop-de-loops on the highway to catch up to Robotnik. _Why do they build them that way anyway, _he mused. In any case, he started across the street.

But then he felt something pressed against his back. Something pointy. He turned around, and realized the lady was holding a Nintendo Zapper gun—of all things—in her hands. "What are—"

Before he finished talking, she pulled the trigger on the bright orange toy gun. Seemed this was no ordinary Zapper either. A flash of light enveloped the hedgehog, which quickly faded to darkness.

* * *

The old lady cackled, as she rushed into a nearby alley way, waving the Zapper around as she ran. When she felt sure nobody was looking, she stopped and pulled a 1980s Nintendo Entertainment System out of her purse. The Zapper's cable ran into the thing. After popping open the lid, she pulled out a cartridge. Written across the top of the sticker was "ROLLERGAMES".

Laughing a bit more, she put the cartridge back into the NES and the NES back into the bag and went on her way, before she pulled out a radio. "Attention, Skinny Buddha, I have captured the subject you were after."

A male voice laughed on the other end of the radio. "Good… I've been watching my favorite test subject for a while now, but he's starting to getting boring now. I think he's about to give up on me. He's been stuck at the sewer in Level 3 for a while now."

The lady laughed at the mention of Subject #44. The guy had lost 100 pounds just trying to get through Level 1 alone, where he'd been stuck for a few weeks. They'd probably put that fatso through more physical activity than he would otherwise get in ten lifetimes.

"I doubt you'll be disappointed with Sonic sir. He should be most amusing."

"As do I."

While the old lady was happy to have fulfilled her duty, something bothered her. "Are you afraid he might beat Rollergames? Sonic's not new to this type of gameplay."

"Nonsense. Nobody has made it out of that game alive since 1990, when it was released into stores. Everyone either goes insane and kills themselves, especially when they get to the cave in Level 5, or they just give up. In the unlikely event he does make it out, I'll be waiting for him…with my kung fu!"

"Wouldn't it be easier to just use a gun?"

The man on the other end literally snarled with anger. "Are you actually starting to use common sense? Get rid of it now! Before you infect me! Common sense is an illness! I don't want you spreading it to me…or the Purple Prince, or anyone!" And then he calmed down a bit. "Anyway…get me my hedgehog. I'm looking forward to the show he will put on for me…"


End file.
